The Illation

Imaginable

2011-11-23T10:45:00.001+08:00

Just imagine
What if
What if time stopped;
The world was to be at halt
What would human do;
Talk?!
Walk?!
Or think about what is life all about?!
That is when the sober knows
The meaning behind all that flows
No?

I'll take it as something not meant to be.

2011-06-21T23:13:00.001+08:00

Lately, I've been reminiscing so much.

I can clearly remember the words from them saying that I can make a good TESLian.

I can clearly remember the moment I bought the complete work of William Shakespeare. I remember how I struggled to understand each word and said to myself "It's okay, when the time comes, you'll learn them in university,".

I can clearly remember the moments I helped my friends in English and said to myself that I would be doing the exact same thing in the future with my students.
I can clearly remember how I looked at my English teachers in awe and said to myself "aw baby! that would be you in just several years to come!".

I can clearly remember the moments I proudly stated my plans for the future.

I can clearly remember how happy I was when my SPM result was the best someone could get, to do what I want to do.

I can clearly remember how high my hopes were when I applied for the course.

I can clearly remember how devastated I was when my application was denied.

I can clearly remember how hard I cried and rebelled.

I can clearly remember how the people around me and I coaxed myself.

I can clearly remember how I came to a point where I had to accept things and acted like everything was cool.

Years from now, I hope I would be able to remember how I'm trying my best now to accept what God has given me and still strive for what I love.

It might take time but I'll try. God knows what's best for us and I believe in blessings in disguise. I know that I have a choice on whether to smile and accept or to rebel to the end.

"If Allah brings you to it, He will bring you through it".

xoxo

Light fm

2011-06-11T01:59:00.001+08:00

It has really been a while, so I think I'll update with the latest things that are going on. Plus, it is about being written, not read. At least 20 years from now I can at least reminisce and say "Well yeah thankfully I jotted something down,".

Things are going on fine here though I'm very far from home which wasn't something that happened often back then but now I have to get used to it. Another thing that I've realized is that I can now appreciate and value the money I get from my parents. Buying things without thinking like the old times, NO MORE. haha. As cliche as this might be, I still wanna write this down. I don't care. haha. I miss my house. I miss my hometown. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my car omg carly how are you? :(

Being here, I've seen more. More in the sense of so many things especially people. Each and everyone is very different from each other. Some might be nice, some might be sweet, some might be approachable, some might be not, some might seem weird, some might suffocate me, however people are, I'll have to accept. Nothing I say can change others. How people are is something that I cannot choose. Who I associate with is something in my control.

xoxo

Waves complete the shore

2011-05-14T03:14:00.001+08:00

Bob asked me on whether I've stopped blogging. No, I haven't. It's just that I could not update people when I was in a total mess. If you're a Malaysian, and you've gone through the age of 18, you would probably understand me. It's like an edge, reaching a cliff.. You will have to choose either to fly or jump. I don't know if I'm actually over-reacting but that's exactly how I feel. Jump down or fly, either way, I couldn't choose. That's when I know that sometimes in life, I can't choose everything because things can choose me too. Well now that I'm chosen to do law, I'll go with it. Tak kenal maka tak cinta can still be used I suppose? :) I'm cool with it. Whatever. haha till then.

xoxo

Buttoned

2011-03-29T19:16:00.003+08:00

I can't deny the fact that I'm afraid to encounter what's ahead and I'm quite sad and disappointed but yeah there are groups of people crying to have what I have and I'm one of those who cry to have what others have. So what's the point? I might think that I have a legitimate reason to whine and weep but to certain people, it's so thankless of me. So again, what's the point?

Neither do I know what my point is. I just need a remedy for myself. Being thankful maybe? oh yeah and an analogy wrapped in a cute box for myself, with a ribbon on top.

I'm on a boat, being afraid until my heart wriggles to jump out of my body into the sea (yeah illogical, I know). So my job now is to grab it and hold it tight to make it to the land because if I lost it, how am I supposed to live? And I have to stop envying the fishermen though their hearts stay calm and not trying to jump into the sea because if I spend too much time envying, I might lose focus on my heart, so it jumps, so it dies. Oh na na I don't want that to happen.

Ok enough elli. bye.

xoxo

Learn yourself

2011-03-22T13:40:00.001+08:00

I walked pass a mirror and caught a glimpse of my reflection. I ended up saying "Was that me??" and ran back to the mirror to check. And yeah, it was me.

I thought everyday is about learning new things around me. By then, I discovered that everyday is about learning myself too. We expect people around us to understand and know us well, but you know what? Forgive them if they don't because they haven't even known themselves entirely just like how you haven't gotten to know yourselves fully.

xoxo

Picture's source:
http://blog.epicedits.com/2007/12/10/16-inspirational-portrait-photography-techniques/

SIMILAR CASES

2011-03-21T18:28:00.001+08:00

Pain. No matter how painful it is, no matter how long it takes, it will eventually end. It doesn't matter in a good or bad way, it ends.

Someone once told me that happiness and sadness have one thing in common. They eventually end too.

The point here is that I'm trying to understand and embrace that fact to be bolder and walk through everything be it pain, happiness, or even sadness because things will turn to be neutral at certain check points.

FYI, I'm writing this post to endure my dental pain (as always) and to control my fright of receiving my SPM results in less than 48 hours. Good luck elli, and good luck babies! Oh and Japan, hang in there. The pain will be overcome soon. :)

xoxo

Weak Chance Turns Strong

2011-03-07T20:18:00.000+08:00

Hello :)

Something happened yesterday during the 5th MEG meeting. Something awful enough to change my tone in an instant, something that I did on my own though I did not intend to, something that I didn't even actually realize until a friend alarmed me, something that could have been much worse if it happened silently, something that was to me so impossible to be fixed in minutes, and believe it or not, with the help of god, and the power we find in friendship, it was resolved in just several minutes. It had taught me a lot. I could never imagine surviving that moment alone. The most important thing is that FRIENDSHIP MAKES IMPOSSIBLE THINGS POSSIBLE.

xoxo

M.E.G.

2011-03-04T22:29:00.002+08:00

Hi there.

I've been asked lately about what M.E.G. really is, so here we go.

M.E.G. is an English group that I created. It stands for Moving English Gang for the way we operate is that we move and travel around town mostly on foot to adventure life after SPM while we speak English all the way through for that is the major point, English. I was thinking on how to make it fun, so I eventually found some ways such as the Town Adventure thingy. Whatever it is, table discussions are not left behind. Basically, we'll meet up thrice a week. Twice for fun activities, and once for table discussions on many kinds of issues, grammatical sessions, listening and speaking skills exercises and so on. I really hope that it will work for me and for all the other members.

M.E.G. is always free and fun. If you're a post-SPM and you're interested, don't ever hesitate to join and bring along your friends. It really is beneficial for you in ways that you will definitely appreciate later on. Here are some pictures of some of the meetings.

1st meeting (Table discussion) ; Bob, Ashraf and I.

2nd meeting (Table discussion and Museum visit) ; Ashraf, Bob, and I.

3rd meeting (Town Adventure- Tourist Disguise) ; Ashraf, Bob, Nuyu, Mimi, Feisal and I.

4th meeting (Table discussion) ; Nuyu, Ashraf, Pidah, Mimi, Faisal, Feisal and I.

xoxo

Boom Boom Boom

2011-03-04T14:14:00.001+08:00

Hi Ho!

"Why are you dressing up like a weirdo?"

Oh there is one major thing that you, Mr. Enquirer do not fathom.
Style and fashion, is way too subjective for judgements.
I second that fashion is the latest and most admired style in clothes and cosmetics and behaviour. Get it?
Today, a particular way of dressing might be relevant for most of us but for the next 10 years, it might turn into something not admirable. Something that looks so weird back then, might be so popular nowadays. So, don't be so quick to judge. Who knows, what you call weird and uncanny now, might be a piece of art on your own body later on.
The point is, don't be afraid to dress up the way you want to. We might not be the trend setter, but as cliche as it might be, put a little faith these words; Fashion fades. Only style remains the same.
As long as you attire appositely, it's always fine enough. Well you wouldn't want to be wearing jumpsuits to wedding ceremonies just because you think fashion is subjective.

And most of all, it's about taste. Why would you dress up according to others' tastes? It should be about you. So, high fashion is weird, I suppose? ;)

Pictures from hautfashion.com and http://www.flickr.com/photos/cinemamakeupschool/3176665875/.

xoxo

Self-solace

2011-02-21T19:07:00.002+08:00

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Even though I trust that saying, I can never cast away the fear in me. I fear things might not turn out the way I want them to be, I fear facing the costs of my own deeds, I fear what I do turns out to be the worst deed to be done in this century, I'm afraid of many things and I'm just being human.

Self, you may be afraid but you won't let the fear interfere your future and plans.

Best thing to do, is just smile. Keep some faith in the above line. Hopefully things are going to be just fine.

Let's meet fear, and say "Hey, wanna play? OK I give you 5 minutes, then get out of my life."

xoxo

The Genius - Reflection

2011-02-18T12:33:00.010+08:00

Hi. It's been a while.
I've just watched a talk by Elizabeth Gilbert about 'The Genius'. If you would like to understand this post, then you might as well watch it. Here's the link.

She said it all. She did. Frankly, I initially thought it was quite ambiguous and uncanny. Quite superstitious. However in the end, when I've finished watching the whole talk, something knocks my mind (a genius maybe, ha-ha), saying that indeed it is possible. Maybe we can put it in this way; 'the genius' is something from God, sent to us. It's just the same thing as inspirations. Instead of calling it an inspiration, we call it 'a genius'. They're all from God, sent to us to help us. And if they don't, it's God's will not to lend us success at a particular moment. If they do help us surpass, then it is not entirely because of ourselves, it's because God sent us 'the genius', so it's God's will too, and we ought to be grateful. To me, it circulates in the same circle. Be arrogant not of what we achieve, for it is God who helps us. Be devastated not of what we can't have, or maybe haven't yet have, for it is what written for us, and I believe that what's written is always the best for me.

It is just my own reflection of the whole matter. Others might have their own opinion, and you might have your own notion. It's the best I can do to shield myself through out the journey. Carpe diem!

xoxo

I've tried. You should too. *wink

2011-02-04T22:15:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, when things are too clear to be seen, and you are in a position in which you don't want to hurt anyone, it seeks you to be straightfoward and aboveboard. It's the only choice. And being straightfoward doesn't mean hurting. It might sometimes hurt, but it's you who can make the difference. You are the one who make the choice of words, of ways, and of modes. Every single thing that you do will influence the ones that you love, that you care for, or even the ones that you don't even know because even a single smile can make one's day. My friend said, if you're a nice person, you'll remain nice no matter where you are and who you're with. Spread the love, people!

xoxo

Pure beauty eh?

2011-01-31T13:04:00.000+08:00

I don't know if it's just me, or it's really the song, but everytime I listen to this, it's beauty in perfection. It really is that good.

xoxo

You Choose

2011-01-30T21:01:00.001+08:00

There are moments when you think you are the only one who is right.
There are moments when you are annoyed by everyone.
There are moments when you are fed up with things around you.

Remember, you are not alone in feeling those feelings.
Others might feel the same way too.
Others might be as annoyed as you are.
Others might do what you do.
Others might hate the way you hate.
Because others might feel the same way too, towards YOU.

And a sentence always makes me feel relieved.
Others might love you too.

xoxo

So you think I'm alone

2011-01-28T20:59:00.000+08:00

It's the portrayal of uniqueness and beauty.

xoxo

Mini Report Card

2011-01-27T23:06:00.002+08:00

Hehe Hi!
So it's been a week back when I was admitted into ward, again.
Main cause: Dengue fever

To be frank, it wasn't really bad for me because I was hydrated very early. Thanks to mom who rushed me to the clinic right on the second day I was sick.
I was admitted on Wednesday, being suspected having dengue fever for several days but then UTI stole our attention because my blood tests kept on showing negative dengue fever. On Monday, I had rashes all over. Major itchy. So another blood test being done but still, negative. On Wednesday, then only it was positive, finally. And today, it's Thursday and platelet starts to increase so I'm allowed home.

One of the best feelings in the world is sitting in the car after 9 days being in ward. It feels ahhhhh haha accompanied with music that makes u feel like going on a party in New York haha. Elli Liliana Aishah has moved one step further in life!

And this song keeps rewinding in my mind for a few days already.

xoxo

The truth

2011-01-16T01:18:00.002+08:00

I trust the unseen which might exist and might even not. The whole thing equals to an undecided me. Sorry for the confusion, but we all encounter it once in a while, or maybe always.

In the end, it's all about time.

xoxo

It goes like that, doesn't it?

2011-01-14T13:07:00.002+08:00

To one extent, I feel my heart as if bursting and I can't help it. The reason is that I've found the new meaning of perfection yet something is missing to complete the perfection. And that missing part, is inevitably unenforceable.
You have completed a set of puzzle yet you're not able to tape the tiny little pieces together to let them stick forever. Eventually, they'll separate and split up all over again. That's what I mean by you need a completion even to a perfection or else, it's not a perfection after all.

xoxo

Expect and Wish

2011-01-12T23:18:00.004+08:00

If there's a single strand of thread tied on a branch of a tree, it would be so hard to be seen. Almost impossible. I don't live long enough to answer exactly whether it's totally invisible or there's a chance for someone to notice it. But, what if someone blurs his vision towards the whole setting of the environmental backdrop? Will he be able to see it? Or maybe no one will actually blur his or her vision just to notice something as undistinguished as a strand of thread? We don't know. I don't know. Without any assurance of what the answer might be, I dare to hope.

"Dear Claire, What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will. All my love, Juliet."

- Sophie, Letters to Juliet.

xoxo

Crucial memory

2011-01-09T02:26:00.004+08:00

Hi :)

It's really been a while. I was checking on my formspring account and saw something from Kak Elle telling me to update this blog and it popped into my mind that I haven't been updating for almost a month. Hehe.

Now that I've no exact obligation for the time being, life has been quite fun yet messy. Haha. I sleep late, wake up late, eat anything anytime, yet it's quite enjoyable. Well, I'm hoping that I'll be having one of the best time of my life before furthering my studies in a few more months to come. I heard many people say that after SPM will be the time that you'll learn a lot about life but I can't really make any conclusions about that yet. Haha.

Lately I've been thinking about my childhood so much and I don't even know why. That explains well why I even went to look for the kindergarten I entered 15 years ago just now. Luckily I found it but unfortunately, it has now turned into a normal bungalow. Teacher Ng's bungalow I suppose. But at least it feels good to visit a place that used to be so meaningful. I even found my diaries from that particular kindergarten in my old cupboard. Oh I haven't mentioned the name. It's Little Ones Kindergarten. :)

I've been flipping through those little cute diaries the teachers wrote everyday when I was there and I found a very meaningful note.
"Mon 17/11/98, I'm 99 cm tall and I weigh 14 kg."

The little things in life will soon be the ones we treasure so much.

xoxo

One life teaches another II

2010-12-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

Hawh how much I miss this :')

A little bit of updates; I've finished high school, SPM has just ended for good, and life has been so great since then. haha.

Guess I'll start with something light. For these past few days, I'm back to human and that was when I found some little things that made my day.

I walked pass Poh Kong and saw this little Chinese boy crying. I hesitated to approach him at first, but I did anyway because he was crying so hard all alone. And bingo! I assumed right. He lost his dad. The best that I could do was to bring him to announce his loss. How can a parent actually let go of a child, let the situation prolong until he cries to that extent. Unfathomable for a teenage like me, understandable for an adult, eh?
It made my day anyway, the boy's too cute even he's crying.

My grandma is currently admitted in ward. There're five patients in the same ward. Each and everyone of them has stories to tell. One of them is a girl aging 19, surviving and will be taking STPM in ward next week. She looked so much in pain however. A lady next to my grandma only has a companion of a little girl who might be her daughter everyday and every time I see her. An old Siamese-Chinese lady at the end of the room, she's so sick but she's a lucky mother. Her son whom I think ages more than 40 takes care of her so much that it mesmerized me sometimes. Not even once that I see he's not there with his mom.
Seeing all these, everyday, a thought strikes my mind. If they survive, and live life with a smile despite the pain, what's there to be complained about mine?

xoxo

One life teaches another

2010-11-14T18:43:00.000+08:00

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

source

A pocket of sunshine

2010-09-27T20:52:00.000+08:00

I am driving on a hill and trying so hard to get to the top. I'm thinking of giving up. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I think of the options that I have. Step on the accelerator pedal harder or let go of everything. If I keep on trying I might get to the top, or worse comes to worst, I might fall and die but at least with a try. If I let go, I'll die, no doubt. So, I was raised well enough to know how good it is to try living life, not ending it without a lawyer.

xoxo

It turns back to you all the way through

2010-09-15T21:48:00.000+08:00

There are times in life when you have to put your pride aside and face the faults you've done. In other words, apologize. To certain people it might be easy to say those 8 letters of three words. I AM SORRY. To me, the difficulty of saying so depends on the people that I've wronged.

Whatever it is, I seek for a life of happiness. If not wholly, at least I want to try to have the minimum grief in it. That particular will, seeks me to apologize. For I know it was me, I have to. It was me who initiated strains. So, all trough this night, may I gather all my strength to face it. And may God grant me the chance to do it, once and for all.

Making mistakes as in wronging others, is like burning your neighbor's house. Sooner or later, the fire will spread ten times bigger and sweep your house too. The only way to stop it, is by slashing water immediately. The same goes to us. When we know that we've started a fight or strains or whatever kind of wrong doings, being sorry and apologizing is the best way of handling the situation. Or else, it will eventually affect our life. Karma slides between the particles of our lives every day. We are in no position to stop it. Well that's at least what I've learnt.

I don't call this a problem after all. :) It is a process of growing up.

I believe that ordinary miracles do happen all the time.

xoxo

Think

2010-09-06T18:47:00.006+08:00

The rich or middle class might have problems such as:

company problems.
divorces.
no time to spend with family members.
family arguments.
a cheating husband, boyfriend, wife or girlfriend.
having children who take drugs.
having not enough money to buy a big car or big house.
yadda yadda.

But,

or had fated to be in an unfortunate country.

Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle-Plato.

xoxo

Life is dramatic, indeed.

2010-09-03T17:27:00.002+08:00

Cool la brother!
Chill la wei!
Janganlah macam ni, tak cool lah.

Those are always-heard lines right?

And the best response so far is,

Yeah because it's not happening to you!

There's a kind of people who seeks life or precisely everything and everyone in life to be cool. I say this kind of people are pretenders. Why bury feelings and cover up things with coolness? Of course I don't want people to simply explode just because they're out of mineral water or car fuel but at least show some emotions.

Cool: Marked by calm self-control (especially in trying circumstances); unemotional.

Psychologically cool and unenthusiastic; unfriendly or unresponsive or showing dislike.

If we were to control ourselves like the first meaning of cool, then fine. But being unemotional or unresponsive is totally a no-no. Life is dramatic. Why change it into an icy cold world with no feelings and emotions just to be cool? That's why homo-sapiens now are cool to drop bombs, to kill people, to rob, to rape and even to slaughter their own species.

I don't know why but I'm sceptical about people trying to be cool.

Do you want to remain cool when your own marriage is at stake? Remain cool when half the world now is starving to death? Remain cool when your life is in danger? Remain cool when huge massive mistakes are done in front of you purposely? Remaining cool might bring us to no actions. And is that what life is all about?
Shut up because there's no one in life that can hold everything in alone and be cool about every single thing in life. You might look fine on the outside but dying in the inside. What's the point then?

xoxo

If you knew

2010-09-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

Banyak yang tak terucap. No offence, we have the habbit to say unnecessary things as human beings. Contohnya, kita complain kita letih dengan hidup kita padahal bukan kita tak tahu, punyalah ramai atas muka bumi ni yang hidup tak cukup makan. Sisa makanan pun kutip makan. Tapi kita? I never deny that I use to say these ungrateful words too. Tapi hari ni benda ni terlintas di benak saya. Siapelah kita nak merungut? Semuanya Allah provide dari makanan, tempat tinggal, keluarga, sampailah kawan-kawan. Who are we to whine? Kalau kita rasa susah, ramai lagi orang yang susah. Let's say Alhamdulillah more than we sigh. Manalah tau rezeki lagi senang masuk.

Saya bukan gadis yang banyak pengalaman tapi saya suka kutip cerita di sekeliling untuk pedoman hidup. Kadang-kadang saya rasa saya ni jahat. Banyak dosa. Tapi sebenarnya, setiap kali benda ni terlintas kat fikiran, percayalah, we are fixing ourselves internally. Allah takkan uji kita dengan ujian yang tak mampu kita hadapi sebab Dia maha penyayang. Never say no one loves us. Allah always does. :')

xoxo

Smile of the day

2010-08-17T16:49:00.003+08:00

First thing first, today was the first day of the trial exam and I'm lying if I say it's not hard.

Back from school, mom brought me to my dad's shop. He gave me a piece of folded paper.

I suppose this explains everything.

Hihihihihi.

Thank you :')

xoxo

Ginseng Extract

2010-08-11T00:00:00.003+08:00

People, wish me luck for my trials. I just can't imagine how will I face it.
I'm starting to love chemistry, thanks to someone.
I'll probably be idling for quite a time for not having time to update you. After the trials yeah. ;)
Alucid suspension contains Magnesium hydroxide.
Please listen to Jordan Pruitt's music. Major cool.
I'm in love with the one and only, who has granted me so much.
Happy Ramadhan everyone. God bless!
Lesson of the day: There's nothing wrong in dreaming!!! It gives you hope which will lead you to a better life, looser!

xoxo

Blackmores

2010-08-03T18:35:00.003+08:00

I miss my life reading Shakespeare's.

I miss my life going out.

I miss my life watching movies.

I miss my life eating ice-cream.

I miss my life strolling at the mall.

I miss my life singing.

I miss my life blogging.

I miss my life chatting.

I miss my life jogging.

I miss my life reading novels.

I miss my life sleeping.
I miss my life quoting.

I miss my life dancing.

I miss my life dieting.

I miss my life debating.

I miss my life flying.

I miss my life eating.

I miss my life shopping.

I miss my life loving.

I miss my life sharing.

I miss my life drumming.

I miss my life understanding.

I miss my life relaxing.

I miss my life dreaming.

I miss my life and I miss everything.

xoxo

Last piece of July

2010-07-31T18:21:00.003+08:00

Hey people :)

It's been a while, so I'm gonna update you with everything. Oh yes, play the video down there before you read. ;)

Two weeks ago I was warded, again, but for a different reason. This time it's bronchitis. As usual, being in the hospital wasn't a memory to be cherished.

After a week in KBMC, it was time for the national public speaking competition in Johor. What I've learnt is that even sometimes we can't be the best, but we can always learn from the best. We can always make a difference, or at least try to. Basically Johor was fun. ;)

SPM trials is coming in two weeks time. I seriously need a miracle. It's just within myself. There's no need to fly to the sky or into the rainbow to look for it. It's in me me me me. Ok I'm rambling. Tomorrow I'll be back to school after 2 weeks. Heh. Many things might have changed in that short period and I guess I'll have to cope. Yeah I'll grapple well. Hopefully. I've faced something worse than this.

Sometimes we think way to much. Be happy to be yourself and most of all, to still be alive. Life is too short. I choose to make a difference by making it the simplest yet precious. There will be millions of people who are better than us but we can always give our best. Millions of people can talk about us but as long as we have faith in the path we're walking on, the power of one can defy the rest. All of these words that I'm typing may be worthless until I try, or at least try to try. I know I won't always be in control but once I'm lost, I can at least know that I've written something like this.

So I bid farewell. I'll be flying to the land of SPM which was waiting for me for ages haha. Have a good life. I'll update once in a while. Bye.

xoxo

Taggy-tag from Sabreena

2010-07-21T21:07:00.000+08:00

1. Bekas kekasih saya adalah :
haha a human.

2. Saya sedang mendengar :
mama and hafiz chit-chatting.

3. Mungkin saya patut :
tidur and have a rest?

4. Saya suka :
hidup yang free.

5. Sahabat-sahabat baik saya :
are my life! <3

6. Saya tak faham :
chemistry.

7. Saya kehilangan :
my long lost self who is very brave and healthy. :(

8. Ramai yang berkata :
saya pendek.

9. Makna nama saya :
elli liliana diadaptasi from nama professor, so basically no meaning. aishah, isteri nabi.

10. Cinta itu adalah :
something you can see with your heart.

11. Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang :
beranak?

12. Saya akan cuba :
menjadi anak yang ibu bapa saya impikan.

13. Ayat SELAMANYA membawa maksud :
sampai syurga.

14. Telefon bimbit saya :
hanya akan ditukar if betul-betul rosak.

15. Bila saya terjaga dari tidur :
saya nak tidur lagi.

16. Saya paling meluat apabila :
bila orang tak senyum balik.

17. Pesta/Parti adalah :
music and food ;p

18. Haiwan paling comel yang pernah saya temui ialah :
cats. lagi lagi cats. hahah.

19. Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan bagi saya ialah :
bila-bila lepas beranak.

20. Hari ini :
saya kuat menangis. Drama day.

21. Malam ini saya akan :
rehat dan senyum.
22. Esok pula saya akan :
discharge maybe?

23. Saya betul-betul inginkan :
masa depan yang bahagia.

24. Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini :
oh saya terus masuk toilet and tengok cermin lagi dan lagi.

25. Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan :
dua-dua pon boleh.

26. Makanan Barat atau Jepun :
barat please. hahah

27. Bilik yang terang atau gelap :
tanya mood saya dulu.

28. Makanan segera adalah :
Maggi haha sedap wooo.

29. Ayat terakhir yang anda katakan kepada seseorang :
Do we have a choice?

30. Siapa yang anda nak tag :
EVERYONE! ;)

XOXO

Cough Cough GO AWAY

2010-07-17T20:05:00.002+08:00

Okay seriously, it's been...5 or 6 days? I lost my counting already. Muscles in my stomach are really strained. Every time I cough, my stomach has the tendency to kill. Even when I was at the library, everyone was staring. So sorry people, I just can't lock myself in my bedroom no more, it makes me unhealthier.

And my mom is about to go out with my brother to Wakaf Che Yeh, again. I was quite excited when I first went there but after several times, I find it boring. So, should I go? Should I? Should I? I envy my brother if he goes out with my mom. I want to go too. But why Wakaf Che Yeh?

xoxo

I won't feel any of yours, nor will I ignore it.

2010-07-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

Hi there.
I've been coughing non-stop for almost 4 days and I'm suffering, literally. Can't describe how bad it is. One of the worst I've ever had. My stomach is totally numb now because of the serious cough. I've had an aunt who suffered something like this before she passed away. Today, I told my mom that now I know how she felt. It was even worse for her, she had to face something much more intolerable than this for years. Can't imagine how her life was. It might just be a serious cough from my tonsil added by pharyngitis and sinus, and fever too, but it teaches me. There's no such thing as 'a slight pain'. Once it is called pain, then it's pain. You may not understand till you feel it too. Imagine how a person feels when someone says ''Are you faking your pain?''
Now especially this year that I've encountered various pains, I understand how it feels. To one extent, I'm ashamed to admit that I'm ill for I'm afraid what people will think and say. No worries, everyone will say hi to pain no matter how healthy a person is. When the time comes, reflect what I just said.

xoxo

Metamorphosing

2010-07-12T21:11:00.000+08:00

Hi ;)

Ohhhhhh emmmm geeeeee I keep on loosing things and I'm so bothered with this situation. I tend to be racked by feelings of guilt when I lost things especially the ones bought by my mom. Let's chant. Oh miracle, come into my life. Come.... I welcome you ohhhh miracle oh miracle oh mimimiracle. Make me intelligent make me responsible make me happy. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

And I thank God for letting me catch up with studies, at least.

xoxo

Happy Birthday Siti Kaiyisah!

2010-07-09T18:34:00.002+08:00

Okay, Hi.
Due to some reasons, I'm not feeling well right now. Not well as in feeling very uneasy, wierd, nervous and sad? It's a mixture of everything. So let's do the thing I do.

I'll be fine, I'll be okay. Even if I might not get everything that I want, God has mercy. God is fair. I'll be okay, I'll be fine.

I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Fine Fine Fine Fine Fine Fine Yeah Fine.

Okay, tonight I've class. I'll be back around 11 and I'm promising myself right now right here that I won't be lazy or sleeping after class. I'll get into my room and do my corrections and also BM's tasks. I will I will I will. If I don't, I'll be punished. By whom? We'll see. By doing what I've promised, I'll be okay and okay and okay, for sure.

I'll be positive. I'll be positive. I'll be positive. I'll be positive. I'll be positive. I'll be positive. I'll be positive. I'll be positive. Yes Yes Yes Yes.

Sorry people. This is the best way to comfort myself.

xoxo

Things to be done after SPM

2010-07-06T23:00:00.003+08:00

Ohhhhhhh can't wait.

Activating Pauseplay back.
A car, dad?
Go to the stadium at night when the light is on.
Swimming.
Learn martial arts.
Read all the novels that I bought.
Watch movies and dramas 24/7.
Sleep sleep sleep.
Jumbo sale.
Books donation hihhihihih.
Have Quran class everyday.
Join some clubs.
Join a dance class.
Jog twice a day.
Send my bro to school every morning.
Loiter at a cafe that I've just discovered.
Have sleepless nights.
oh yes, learn how to cook.
Join a literature class no matter how, even through the internet.
Continue learning guitar and drums.
Work at a nursery or kindergarten.
Eat, eat and eat. Yea what's the point of jogging. =.=
Learn as many fun things as possible.
Write a mini novel. Is there such a thing as a mini novel?

Yeah there'll be more to come.

xoxo

First of July

2010-07-01T23:42:00.001+08:00

Peace be upon you.
I'm updating since it's still the first of July though there's only around half an hour left. Hehe.

I'm hungry. I eat everything. Everything tastes good. Oh god.

Currently I'm quite distracted by the thought of having to write an article for Mag Inc though everyone is obviously participating. I'm not nagging, but I think it's quite bugging me. Still, I think it might be something good to test whether my minor ambition of being a writer should be continued or not. Haha. Actually it's nothing much to make a fuss about. It's just that it has to be quite long. Around 700 words. Is it considered long? I don't know. Hehe.

Today, I came to realize that a couple of hours that I waste everyday after coming back from school can actually be very very useful. If only I knew this earlier. Haha.

And yeah, today, today and today, I hugged my Add Maths teacher and apologized for my bad work. Frustrating bad work as a result of no work. So I have to make it work-lah! And of course I cried. Majlis Muzakarah has always been that depressing and saddening, eh?

I'm supposed to think about writing the article but I'm blogging instead. Buhbye!

xoxo

Irresistable

2010-06-29T20:53:00.001+08:00

Ooo eemm geee I've so many things to do yet I'm still updating. Hihi.

Hi there.

I'm now very smelly, not yet bathed and tired but still chasing the biggest show of life, for now at least. =.= hmm

Nothing much to be said because there's too much to be done. Chemistry needs CPR. Physics, Additional Maths and Biology need defibrillation as soon as possible. I'll help myself.

Lassitude, weariness, enervation,

who are you guys?

I don't know you. Sorry. Goodbye.

xoxo

Wiki and Jolanda

2010-06-27T18:53:00.005+08:00

Hello loves,
I'm so in the mood to update this. Hihi. I know it's really been a while.

First of all, Jolanda is my new chrysocolla pendant and Wiki is my new turquoise bangle. Hahaha. Let's name our accessories. And yeah Caramel is my bear. My smelly bear. Dowrie is my dictionary. Birdie is my mp3. Okay I'll introduce you to the others next time. There are still a lot for you to get to know. Hahaha.

Seriously there's so many things going on now. I just came back from Pahang for benchmarking and now I can assure myself that life's going to be really hectic from now on. One thing I've learnt is that there's absolutely no moment in any one's life that is free from any problems or things to think of. No one will experience that. Even the richest man on earth will still have obligations and also problems be it big or small, serious or not, it doesn't matter. The point is, we will never escape life. Being in and out of problems are all called life. Everyday can be optimally used by living every moment of it. What I mean by living it is not focusing on only one thing. If you're stuck in a traffic jam, please do not merely focus yourself on the road but switch on the radio, enjoy the music, speak with those who are in the car with you, enjoy the moments while being stuck there. It is surely better than putting yourself at your wits end for hours waiting for the road to clear off without smiling. Just imagine how you'll look like. Don't let the happiness slip away just because you are focusing too much on the negative sides.

I heard an advertisement on the radio about happiness and it was major cool. Couldn't really remember the whole thing but it's pretty much like this.

We always think of happiness as something that we will achieve one day. When you work, finish studying, get married, then you'll be happy but the truth is that happiness is something that we live. We live happiness just like how we live life. Yesterday is a history. Tomorrow is an unborn. Today is what we have. ♥

xoxo

A letter to a heart

2010-06-18T06:14:00.002+08:00

It's almost 6 a.m. yet I couldn't bring myself to sleep. I'm full of tears, being so pathetic, and I don't usually do this on a regular basis. The feeling of lonesome and as if my life is at stake is dragging me into this unfavourable condition. What can I do?

When I watch movies, I wonder if I'll happily end up my life like those happy-ending fairy tales or I'll end up crying in the end. What should I do?

I saw a picture of a friend visiting Stratford-upon-avon. I smiled and cried. Can I ever bring myself there? What can I do?

I think of my life. I see what I want but is seeing enough?

I don't know who can I tell all this to. I don't mean to be ungrateful but I'm so fragile. Now I doubt whether there's a point of me whispering spirit to my heart after all this while. People may laugh but not knowing what I'm in. I'm tired and feeling like everything is at stake. I know I'm stupid for seeing things that I don't have and ignore what I own. But can anyone tell me how can help myself if everything I want is sliding in front of me in the condition that I couldn't even reach for it. I couldn't even bring myself to an understanding point what's making everything so complicated. Maybe it's me at the first place.

Hey, everyone breaks down once in a while right? *light chuckle.

xoxo

I have to blog because I'm so bored

2010-06-11T21:21:00.004+08:00

Hi :)

I can't really imagine how time passed do fast. I feel like I just had my last paper yesterday. Hahah.
Since I'm so bored that I could be abnormal, I'd better do some random things here :D

10 random facts about me:

I hardly portray my feelings.
I love seafood.
I love turquoise.
Very lazy.
Sparkling Ribena dominates my fridge.
A person who actually loves to impress the 'enemies' in any ways.
I love kids and everything about them.
Went to Wakaf Che Yeh twice in my whole entire life.
Stingy? hehe
Despite the fact that I always think I'm fat, I do self-motivation a lot.

And want to add an embarrassing wish of mine here. I'd like to date under the stadium light at night. Not inside the stadium but outside where you can see the bright shining light. I don't know why but every time I pass by the stadium at night, I find that view very romantic :') . Okay this is queer, me talking about this kind of thing in public. Buhbye ;)

xoxo

Dear John

2010-06-08T22:21:00.006+08:00

It's like one of the best movies I've ever watched. Watching it for less than two hours made me feel like 3 hours.

He's John. She's Savannah.
He's a soldier, she's a college student. She's gorgeous, he's adorable and their love is totally majestic.

:')

Thank you, Nicholas Sparks.

xoxo

One is not an option anymore. You need Endurance.

2010-06-06T23:56:00.006+08:00

It has always been one of my favourites for years. How perfect it is. :')

I don't know if you understand what I'm going through but I'm trying to reflect on how I think I'm going to endure it. I always ask myself whether I can or not face each and every obstacles in life be it small or big. And every time before saying no, there's a voice saying that you've faced more than this, so there's nothing for me to fear. Or, if that voice doesn't appear right on time, this is what I'll do. I'll tell myself I'll make my own record of my greatest challenge that I've overcome. There's always the first experience for the greatest happenings in life, either it is the biggest problem or merriment, it doesn't matter because we can change predicaments into triumphant moments when we face them with endurance and motivation. By the allowance and guidance of God, we will eventually meet success. I may endure with the help of God. Hoping that I'll never stop praying and shall go through this one with a smile that never fades is something hard for me to believe but I have to.
I've been through certain situations where I swore there's no more hope but because of none option left, I pushed myself with the least of determination left in me while continuing to believe God was helping, everything was fixed and seriously I didn't even expect it would be that good. Believe me, it works. I'm not motivated enough too to ensure you this, but I ensure you while motivating myself that this is apart of what life is about.

xoxo

It's not yet perfect

2010-06-06T21:53:00.001+08:00

It's raining. I'm on my bed listening to my favourite songs, feeling so lost inside. What a perfect environment to be wasted.

You should visit this webpage. It makes you go aaawwwww :')

To certain friends, I can't tell you now. I know what I'm doing because it will eventually get worse if you are told about it now. I'll tell you what you should know when the time comes. I'm sorry. I'm hurt too.

All I keep on doing is telling myself , ''When it seems as if your end is drawing near, don't you dare give up the fight. Just put your trust beyond the skies''.
And I'll wait for the sunlight to shine.

xoxo

I can't think of it

2010-06-03T22:00:00.003+08:00

Hi again :)

I hesitated to go to school today but I still went anyhow. Hehe. Well, school was fine and fun as usual, and the fun continued at the mall with the companion of my trio girlfriends. Normal routines at malls as in eating, talking, walking and shopping went on and on until suddenly I felt abnormal. My head spun and my eyes blurred. Seriously I thought that was the moment that I've lost my normal eye sight. But then thankfully all went well after I stepped out of the mall.
Just checked my blood pressure an hour ago and it's low low low low low. =.=
Back pain, low b.p., then what? Any other kind of pain interested to live in my body?

And now I'm cleaning my room. It's a real mess. Total trash.

xoxo

ILOVEYOU

2010-06-02T23:56:00.001+08:00

Hi :)

I had my last paper today, hehe and the smell of freedom is so sweet ;) as sweet as my favourite trifle hehes.

Oh yeah, I spent my evening with Na the ultimate sweetheart. Haha. Taman Tg. Anis was the spot, my favourite place. Hihi. I've never been there for almost 3 weeks and I seriously miss jogging but then I couldn't really jog just now for I was so busy talking and talking. Haha. Conclusion, today is a good day and is spent greatly great.

So I suppose I'll spend one or two days to read NOVELS. Well there's so many things to be done in this holidays yet Elli has to go to school 5 days a week for the whole two weeks because of extra classes, *sigh, but that's the sacrifice of a form 5 student, eh? Hehes. No problem.

Guys, have you ever had the feeling that you just can't let go? :) and it gets stronger each day. Stronger with love.

And don't you think this is sweet? ;)

xoxo

TODAY

2010-05-31T19:46:00.002+08:00

Today

I got lost

I questioned myself

I answered myself

I promised myself

I'll climb the stairs

to be with the rest

Knowing that everything will be true

Baby I'll fight for you!

♥

xoxo

IF I CARE, IT'S BECAUSE OF ME, NOT YOU

2010-05-30T17:40:00.002+08:00

Malaysia is getting into ONE. And so is the world as the song goes WE ARE THE WORLD. Justin Bieber said the world must come together as one. How beautiful it is.
But let me question, what is the purpose of all those things if we are still discriminating and isolating the weak ones? It's effing unfair, I tell you. UNFAIR.

I know that I'm weak in it, but please don't treat me like this. Yes they are good and excellent but if you keep on focusing on them, they'll be more and more and more excellent and WE, as in the weak ones, will be the same or might even be worse day by day. All I ask for is a bit of understanding.

I'm weak for some reasons and I know how to fix it in time. Just let me do it my way because you don't even want to help me. Just don't break me down into pieces before I build up what I want to because I'm building it up with almost none of your help, as far as I am concerned.

I don't understand why do I have to go through all this torture at the time where you should actually be helping me.

And I don't understand why do you seem to hate me so much? What did I do? You don't even know the real situation of mine. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE ME BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. NO ONE, NOBODY.

so, people, no matter how weak a person is, he or she is a human, which means the feelings of a person has to be taken care of no matter what. THERE'S A WAY TO TALK TO A PERSON. Yes, the super duper excellent ones will be doctors, engineers, or whatever that gets your attention, but imagine if the whole world is filled with doctors, who will be the teachers that will educate your children? Who will be the plumbers? Who will work as a waiter who takes your majestic order? WHO? Please wake up. The school system divides students into classes to make the teaching process easier, not to discriminate and put the dumb asses aside. And seriously I tell you, these dumb asses need to be thought so that our asses will be as shiny and as yours and not dull forever.

xoxo

I less than three you

2010-05-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

Why oh why?

xoxo

If love be rough with you, be rough with love; Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down. Mercutio, Act I, scene iv

2010-05-28T15:24:00.000+08:00

Hi there :)

I've 6 more papers to go. So tiring but it's what I have to pay for for my slothful life. oops. My life isn't slothful, I am. My bad.

And, for my latest problem, if you can figure out what it is due to my previous post, I've made a decision, I'll just go with the flow. I'll try my best not to go against anything. I've realised that there's no use of being lame because of it for it is just a small piece of my puzzles.

Okayh, can't write much now. The thought of CHEMISTRY IS COMING is so bugging me. Toodles.

xoxo

I faked a smile for you, yes you.

2010-05-22T20:15:00.000+08:00

I'm not that delicate.

Not that gentle.

Not even near to that gentleness.

Far from being as perfect as that.

I'm the chosen one. I was chose not to be the one who is the only one for you.

xoxo

It's not drastic, it's instead something that I should've done before.

2010-05-08T18:33:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Oh my God I keep on buying novels lately. I won't call it a waste anyhow because I'm going to read them up eventually but that moment might actually come after SPM. And I really don't like looking and staring at those yummy novels getting stacked on the table. *sigh. Books get stacked, then the stacks get stacked on top of more stacks. Hahaha.

For now, everyone's struggling and juggling and trying their best for the upcoming exam, I mean almost everyone, hehe and most probably I'm included. Right right right right right right? hahahaha better be. Always tell yourslef it is okay. At least I'm hoping for something better than what I did. I might not be the best, but I can give the best of me. =) right right right right? Hee.

''It is the conduct of any man to struggle and fall,
it is the conduct of GREAT men to RISE and SOAR'', -Robert Marshall.

Looking at my seniors getting scholarships of this and that, I'm happy. =) Life after school seems so great, well that's what I think ;) since I'm still schooling haha.

Ohkay I am on the way to SPM and really have to keep on reminding myself bout it. And you can help me in doing it too, I don't mind. =) and and and, I wanna be on the way to heaven too. Amen.

xoxo

Changes

2010-05-04T19:33:00.001+08:00

1. New hair-cut ;)

2. Gear 2 in studies. Haha.

3. New spirit baby!

4. Less appetite? Haha.

5. Thick ears, face, and heart. Say what you want to say.

Hi there.

Haha.

Oh, buhbye!

xoxo

Nothing suitable

2010-05-02T00:58:00.000+08:00

It's 1 a.m. and I'm being so emotional with no reason. Or maybe with some tiny reasons deep inside me.

Ohhhhhhh God....

I want to be that one.

xoxo

Hey hey hey ;)

2010-05-01T22:16:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum :)

My hip hurts much...sobs...It's what I have to pay after walking for hours at the mall. Hee. I'm so tired yet I'm doing this. Haha.

Okay, let's get to this one. I'm planning on having a kind of jumbo sale to sell clothes. But then I really don't have an idea on where to have it. Hm. So, I planned to sell those things on the internet but after thinking twice, it might be a problem too. I want people to touch and look at the clothes first before they buy them to ensure there's no further problems.
So I really need to figure out where to have this sale. Where? Where? Where? Ayayayaayaya.

xoxo

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. William M. Thackeray

2010-04-30T14:23:00.004+08:00

Hola :)

It's Friday. I always have the thought that half the people on earth will dissapear on Fridays. Haha. Don't ask me why. It just feels like it.

So today, I'm so free. Not knowing what exactly to do now despite the sacks of homeworks that I brought back home.

To the title, I was touched :') and I know I don't regret anything for what I did in the name of love. I played, I joined debate, I loved what I love, I did what I love, and everything for love. I met failure once in a while, but God is fair. You'll finally get what you deserve.

And to the people that I love, I hope that you might as well understand that I'm not a kind of person who will spill out those three words to you everyday, everywhere in front of everyone but still, I want you to know what's in my heart. ♥ ♥ ♥

xoxo

So many things to be typed yet not much time provided

2010-04-24T21:15:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum. Hi everyone ;) ahhh I took so long to update kan kan kan? Hihi

Let's start with something big. SMK Dato' Ahmad Maher made it to the semi finals for the 9th Interschool Debating Championship IIUM 2010. Thank God. I never thought that we could go that far. It might be nothing for those who have always achieved big but it is totally something huge for us, our seniors and our school. =) Can't stop smiling. It is a blessing, really. At least people now acknowledge Ahmad Maher and Kelantan, unlike before. Oh yes, photos can be accessed through my facebook.

Speaking of currency, I'm not really okay haha as always. I have a public speaking competition tomorrow and I haven't yet memorized the text wholly, so God help me. All sorts of pain are approaching, backache, pharyngitis, flu yadda yadda yadda you name them. All that I could do is ask for God's help that's all nothing more nothing less :) Wish me luck.

Just now I was at Mc Donald's. Looking through the window I thought of the previous me. The Elli who can do anything and almost everything everyday without pain and complaints. The bold me who I used to be. And now she's almost gone, fading away day by day. I live sensitively lately. What can I do? Hm. I always ask myself is it okay with me to live like this? Is it okay not to live like how I used to? and I found no answer. Because I know no matter what the answer is, I must face the fact. Life changes. Maybe I need someone to tell me that it is okay to change. It is okay. Everything is going to be fine. It'll be good. InsyaAllah.

I'm quite lost. Hoping that God will send me someone who can really guide me. I mean it.

xoxo

The truth isn't always that clear

2010-04-06T16:59:00.004+08:00

Supposedly life is getting better but it turns out to be like this. Sometimes I just couldn't put things correctly in words because it is unexplainable. Bizzarely unexplainable. Okay what I'm talking about is my state of health.

Again, supposedly I am okay but I'm actually not no matter how okay I might look on the outside, I'm still not. You see, my problem now is that I'm always reluctant to tell if I'm not okay except for the cases when I'm at home. But still, normally I'll just cry alone in my bed with the door locked. I wouldn't tell twice. Ignore my pain once, I'll stay silent. The next thing you'll see is the worst of me.

My main problem now is that I left school for almost a month if I were to sum up all the days that I was absent which means I'm so left behind with tons and tons and tons of work to be done. And now I'm getting the idea of people seem not to understand my situation yet. Not to blame anyone because I keep on saying that I'm okay already, but just try to imagine. I have to push myself with the pain, and with all kinds of hospital appoinments EVERYDAY, work, studies, this and that while saying I'm okay which makes me more and more and more not okay. How can I make people understand me if I lie even to myself? I can't even answer that question. All that I want now is to have a normal life like what I used to have before. I can't face the reality that I have to stop doing some things that I love. All these make me pretend that I'm okay. What am I to do??

And yeah, another big problem that I'm facing, I'll sleep in pain if I don't jog everyday. And what is that? I don't know what is so wrong with me. Even the doctor said that jogging isn't good for people who have backbone problems like me but yeah, as I said, I can barely live a day without it. And again, what am I to do???

Now that I'm relieved I said it.

xoxo

i love youuu

2010-04-01T01:38:00.001+08:00

I love this girl to the fullest though she made me walk and walk and walk till I dropped.

xoxo

I miss you

2010-03-29T19:09:00.001+08:00

I don't know what to type exactly but I just miss doing this. Hehe.

I'm now sitting on a red chair in front of the desktop wearing socks and my tracksuit which means I just came back from the park which also means I haven't yet bathed after jogging. Hahaha.

oh ya my new place

xoxo

Another one

2010-03-25T23:41:00.003+08:00

Traumelli Principle

It takes place when a shocking, depressing or something that you don't quite like happens, you tend to feel like its a dream on the next day and so on. It feels as if it didn't really happen. Oyeah.

xoxo

Laws of the day

2010-03-25T00:52:00.002+08:00

1. Shoppelli's Law

If you would like to buy something to put on yourself such as clothes or make-ups, anything, which might be a shirt, blouse, skirt, or whatever, try it on first!

Its not necessarily nice on you.

2. Discovelli's Law

In order to discover an answer for a gigantic question mark in your life, you got to do

something out of the box, really really out of the box. Something that you might actually fear maybe?

More and more principles to come. haha.

xoxo

Animate me

2010-03-24T14:36:00.000+08:00

I need to feel alive. Ever since I was discharged from the hospital, I'm feeling quite unreal and absolutely not knowing what to do to get back to the normal elli.

Every plans that I made came to an end with great failure. I planned to go jogging, failed. Go shopping, failed. All that I managed to do was going to the hospital. I'm still going there everyday for the rest of this week and maybe next week for physiotherapy and further check ups.

And the worst thing that's happening now is my mom makes me take medicine without due. Oh my god. Every two hours I'll be forced to stuff something into my stomach before taking medications. I'm so not enjoying it, so not. And taking care of my posture for every single second is.. not to say annoying, but its right there in the neighborhood.

Anyone, make me feel real and alive please?

xoxo

YouYouYou

2010-03-22T16:47:00.000+08:00

You have never ever failed touching my ♥.

xoxo

Honey home

2010-03-22T16:12:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah I've been discharged from kbmc today =)

I dropped my jaw when I was told that all the expenses cost almost RM9000. woo. Thanks to the insurance lah. Haha.

I have 2 new things; a new bed hehe and a sacro lumbar corset, both for my backbones.

and I got tons of medicines to be brought home =.=''

I've been warded for 6 days. The first three or four days weren't that bad but after that, vomiting was like a nature, ugh.

and and and I'll be going through 12 courses of physiotherapy.

Thanks to everyone who came and called.

I've 5 days of mc to rest at home. Till then.

xoxo

none

2010-03-18T00:06:00.000+08:00

So I'm now bored, again.

Now I know the feeling of being trapped in the ward alone. So boring and might even get sicker okay. =.=

They should offer some entertainment in here. An internet room, karaoke room or some movies? Ugh.

By the way, I'm going for an MRI scan tomorrow. I'll update you later ;)

xoxo

Room 111

2010-03-16T21:52:00.001+08:00

Haha I'm in room 111 kbmc and currently bored to death.

So this is what I'm going to do, updating on what happened.

Time: 12.00 p.m.

Venue: KBMC

Attire: Baju kurung with polka dots and high heels haha

''Elli Liliana, come in.'' *check this and that*

''We have quite a wierd case here'', said the doctor. Well apparently, I'm weird, so it's not that wierd if I'm having a wierd pain.

''We'll admit you okay?''

''Ok......"

The the nurse came with syringes and this and that. ''We'll set you on drip okay?''

''errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr is that necessary? hehehe''

''It's gonna be fine. Not even painful''

''hehehe'' * yeah right...I'm 16. I don't buy you.

..................................*shivering...............................

..........................................*ouch.........................

..............................*shaking...............................

......................................*okay, is it done now?.....

''Not yet, we need your blood, just a moment girl..."

.............................................................................

...............................................................................

"Okay, done.''

"Fuhhhhhhhhhhh..." relieved Elli sighed and smiled crookedly. Okay, he's right. Not that painful. Hehe.

''Now you'll go to the x-ray room.''

''Okay...''

X-ray was fine.

Went into my room, Room 111.

''Oh, it's green, nice.."

''Elli, you'll have to fast till 6.30 for ultrasound."

=.= ''okayyy"

5.00 p.m.

*knockknockknock

''Hoooo ore sakit......''

2 object walked in, recognized to be Nik Afiq Amadi and Aswad =)

haha

*blablablla

6.30 p.m.

*knock knock knock

"Elli, let's go for ultrasound."

....................................................

...................................................

Ultrasound wasn't okay. Quite painful when he pressed here and there. Yeah, it's a guy. Quite shameful but nothing could be done. But I somehow enjoyed the moment of being a new mother-to-be. HAHA okay, I'm rambling.

So, the little boy is claiming his laptop now, which means I got to go. Buhbye ;)

xoxo

Ignited Elli

2010-03-05T17:19:00.002+08:00

New York.

All I can do for the past two days was imagining myself being there. The limos. The New York Skyline. Everything there is SO inviting.

Sounds childish of me wanting to go here and there but at least that's the best that I can dream of for now. Good enough to make me realize how slothful I am and how important it is for me to start working on my studies, NOW.

No one can bring me there except for myself.
As a writer maybe? ;)

xoxo

Do you mind?

2010-03-04T13:18:00.000+08:00

''Why does she like him? I hate him so much!''

''Why does he think she's cute? She's ugly!''

''You love lollipops? Ew not my taste.''

''Why in the world would people want to dress like her?''

OH baby

everything happens simply because

THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!

Spices of Life

2010-02-27T17:14:00.001+08:00

I want to be free from all this obligations but I can't. Everyone has to face it -.-

The First Spoon

Day by day all I can do is enjoy myself while doing things that I don't really like. Sometimes I just feel it is so unfair for myself. They decide what's easy and hard for me though I find what's hard for them is actually easy for me and what's easy for them is so hard for me. Yeah people don't get it.

The Second Spoon

If I lend you my things, I expect responsibility from you. Okay?

The Third Spoon

I want to watch the dvds that I bought. Please. They are so irresistible.

The Fourth Spoon

This is specially written for the one at the park where I jog. If you want to talk to me, go on but make sure you don't pry into my personal matters and and and do not dare to touch even a single inch of my body!

xoxo

Stochastic okay (=

2010-02-20T20:35:00.001+08:00

Last day of holidays and I'm mourning. Haha.

Alhamdulillah..I've finally get back quite on track. Hope to accelerate soon. Haha.

So, things are going on quite good and nothing much to be complained... but but but there are still some weird things happening but lets ignore them okay..They bring no significance in life.

I'm quite attracted to the issue of Valentine's Day for it has just passed with full of merriment or happiness should I say? I don't know. It was fun because it was the first day of Chinese New Year on the 14th of February, not because it was Valentine's Day. His day people. Not yours, mine nor ours. Spending money on things as presents to show your love to your loved ones on his day isn't that sweet. Haha. I'd rather choose my day :p

By the way, I have to tell you this. I was somewhere in the middle of the town. A girl that I know came and suddenly told me or actually bragged about a new handbag of hers that she got on Valentine's Day from her boyfriend and most importantly she told me the price of the bag which is of course..costs a lot of money. When I say it is expensive, I mean it. Haha. So, right after she ended her brag, I said, ''So that's the price of your love, dear?''

xoxo

pretty pretty pretty awww

2010-02-17T23:40:00.001+08:00

♥♥ xoxo

Grant me my wishes

2010-02-17T17:21:00.000+08:00

Yes, please grant me my wishes though I don't really understand what I want.

One simple thing that I'm sure of, I want to be happy.

I think I'm in a black dark hole but I can temporarily come out to see the light once a while but then after some time, I'll be back in the dark hole again.

Dramatic, eh?

There's so many things that I want to do but there's not much time left.

Frankly speaking, I'd rather spend the rest of this short holiday sleeping for the fact that I know after this, I can't really have nice sleeps until SPM is over, over for me at least.

I want to read the new novel that I bought, I want to watch movies, those Hindi movies that I took from Aka, I want to go jogging all day long, I want to go shopping, I want to study, finish those homeworks, and so on.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

xoxo

Tong Tong Tong Chiang

2010-02-17T17:09:00.000+08:00

A little bit late, but, still, Happy Chinese New Year! Rawr. haha

Everything could be described in only a sentence. One of the best CNY celebration for me, even better than hari raya awwww.

Too many pictures to be uploaded. Hehe.

First day of CNY, Pasir Puteh was the destination :D

Second day, my place.

Early in the morning, Na was the first to come. I love her little cute brother. Haha.

Then, *boofffff* the whole family came. Suddenly, Kak Memey came in. Hehe. Sweetest sister on earth.

Lalalaala then more family members came.

When the evening said hola, so did the boys with the viva, haha.

After stuffing food into our mouth, in the living room we sat, with the sound of strings from the guitar. Haha.

And and and, the night was spent with the cousins. :)

Laff Laff Laff

xoxo

Unfathomable Acts

2010-02-12T18:49:00.000+08:00

I wouldn't ever want to regard myself as someone dumb but I keep on clinging to something futile. How could I wish for something impossible for years with full generosity of tears. If someone could make me understand the state that I'm in, then please do so because I'm starting to call myself obtuse. I want to waste no tears no more. I'd rather be undramatic. Extol the virtue of mine which I will stick to something I love for yonks. Can someone explain what is happening to my life?

xoxo

Random stuff

2010-02-04T00:37:00.002+08:00

Not really random though. Hey, my first entry for February =) the month of love and redness..haha and not to forget those chinese new year songs.

I woke a little bit late, fine for I was going for my monthly appointment at around 8.30, so I had some fried chicken, that drummets, and I was unsprisingly not full. haha. Put on my uniform, got on the car, and thought, what a beautiful day it was, and I was deeply thinking why WE have to actually be in the classroom cracking our heads and wasting the nice view of walking or being under the naked air and sky early in the morning. What a waste it is, you know. My options are either to start class at around 9 a.m. after all students have enjoyed the beautiful sky and air or remove the roofs so that we could all learn under the naked sky. haha. but of course it's going to be hot in the afternoon, so let's put another option, automatic roofs. Let us be under the sky when it's not hot, and have the roof when the sun's flaring. Okay, now I'm rambling.

So when I was seeing the doctor, things got complicated. The bracket popped off, bla bla bla and it went on until one extent, ''Elli I think we'd better extract this two teeth, you don't really need them though, except for bringing you trouble..''.

''Errr okay..sure2'' of course I was trying to act as cool as impossible.

Time flies and so did my teeth. TWO teeth at one time. Two has been extracted before the course and I thought it was my last experience of extracting teeth for surgeries but then it happens again today. And the most important thing that came through my mind was, ''dang it! I just had a little breakfast. Should have eaten more... ''

Next thing, my mom drove me to school after that. Nothing much happened, just some random things. And I had that same pout in all pictures because of the cotton in my mouth. =_='' No food all day long, I starved.

CONCLUSION made:

Having braces isn't that cool, it hurts.

*GIGI itu suatu nikmat. HARGAI GIGI ANDA. haha.

xoxo

Bring me back my sanity

2010-01-29T20:28:00.000+08:00

MB stands for something that I think I shouldn't really mention here because it's quite embarassing. Haha.

I'm clueless of how could I get stuck in this thing. haha

A stranger. Wholly stranger.

And me dragging myself to the park every single day just to have a look on a stranger isn't really sane. It just makes me physically tired but mentally and emotionally good and healthy. Haha. Kak aya and Kak Kuya are trying to help but I'm actually not really sure about this because I'm aiming for a phone which seems available for everyone, and precisely, a phone which keeps on rotating on people's hand. It beeps to me as well as to others. Well at least that's the best analogy I can come up with so far. If you know what I mean.

I'm NOT bulletproof

2010-01-25T20:10:00.001+08:00

Someone who smiles, laughs, jokes, and cries on the next day.

Someone who has just knew that it is important to learn to let go some important things in life for she can't expect everything to be perfect.

A girl who is starting to realize that things don't always turn out to be exactly the same as what she sees, thinks or expects them to be.

Most importantly, she can never escape life.

She who finds it amazing when sometimes people can stick to something that's extraordinarily futile and keep on hoping for some unbelievable miracles to happen.

She who normally smiles as much as she's hurt.

Me.

xoxo

The way i love you

2010-01-19T20:24:00.006+08:00

I missed life, so much.

And I find my way back into nature, everyday

Where that's the only place I can see life, bittersweet life,

The only place I can see you, almost a comfy you, almost being a remedy,

Reminds me how I used to love nature, how I much I love verdures.

I'm only up when you're not down

Didn't fly when you're still on the ground

You drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying to let you know

that what I feel, it's true.

No smile for a reason,

it's a roller coaster kind of rush.

So I'm stucked in greenery.

*Ilovemyentrancewhenyouwerestandingrightthere.
xoxo

16JAN10

2010-01-16T20:01:00.000+08:00

By this exact time, my homework should've been done but well...haha as usual, I don't really spend my weekends doing homework okayhhhh..fridays and saturdays are too precious. HAH HAH HAH.

Anyway I'm bally tired today. Things went on non-stop from 8 in the morning till 6 p.m.
I don't really feel like writing though. =)

xoxo

Hi Hi =)

2010-01-08T16:08:00.002+08:00

It's been a while.. Being a form 5 student ain't easy, referring to those tons of homework. Haha.
I've dealt with a big problem this week. About me taking English Literature for SPM. Since it's a no-no for Maher to allow me to do so, I had swollen eyes for about 3 days. Conclusion made: they don't get it. I want to LEARN. It's not about what course I'm taking later on.
*tapi, doh kalu cikgu nok kerah, sy pom nk kerah jugok la. sayo xsei amik acc! xsei. cikgu xsei wi sayo amik lit xpo la. sayo amik 9 jah spm. pah sayo still buleh blaja luar. hok petim sayo xamik acc maso spm.*

and and and, now I love Fridays and Saturdays and I miss those holidays. Haha.

xoxo

The picture does the titling

2010-01-03T23:26:00.000+08:00

Every once a month I am a good friend of paracetamol or precisely forced to be. To be exact, it is after every appointments. And and and what I hate the most is paracetamol seems not to be working on me tonight and dang it I have tons of undone work to be done by this exact night but all I keep on doing is suffering the pain.

xoxo

Second post for the second day

2010-01-02T21:16:00.003+08:00

Stepping into tomorrow or tomorrow stepping into my life would flip a new page. A pristine one maybe? Not really. I don't know what to expect, really. But I definitely could guess what would happen sooner or later. Things are going to be altogether different. Or wierd?

Tomorrow. Haha. Seems like almost everyone is excited for the first day of school a.k.a. my first day for sr year. aww. Haha. Supposed to be an important day I guess but most likely I can only spend like 3 hours at school tomorrow. That bally nurse gave me an appointment on the first day of school out of all the days in the holidays. ? Haiyya.

Anywayyyyy..I'm thrilled =)

Oh. I went through my older posts. and I found out that I am somehow childish. I mean those posts are childish. Then, after ruminating, I know that that's the way I want it to be. I'll mature later okay? =)

Oh. another one. I love this. I'm not a fan of hers but I'm a huge fan of this song. and and got to admit, she's bally beautiful- in this video lah.

Good luck for tomorrow.

xoxo

2010-01-02T19:50:00.002+08:00

Pause the song on the right side of the page, and, play this.

TWO THOUSAND TEN

2010-01-01T03:20:00.001+08:00

Hello world! Happy New Year! :D So 2010 has finally come whether it is welcomed or not. Which means, SPM gets nearer. Whatever it is, I've spent the last days of 2009 happily I guess. A jog with Na, all the hangouts with Anis, everything was great. Something to be cherished. I've learnt so much. And I guess 31st Dec changed some things, some of my feelings and emotions that were so long lost and locked, I think. Alhamdulillah.

Friends mean everything to me. I've gone through all this with their help. I haven't thought of any new year resolutions yet. All I know is, I want to live life to the fullest this year. I'm not going to pause and listen to those who don't even understand what I do. Those who would make me stop and turn back and regret things. That's not me. I never regret anything. I want to be better and stronger. I'm made of steel :) May GOD lead us. And now 2009 is a memory. A bittersweet memory.

And and and, hehe I ended 2009 and started 2010 with something I haven't done for almost 10 years. Painting. ?? Haha. I like!

I love you. I mean it. All my friends, new friends, family blog readers, and everyone who has ever come into my life even for just a second. Thank You.

xoxo

More and more

2009-12-30T04:33:00.003+08:00

Description:

Turquoise gem , oval.

This is absurdly pathetic. I'm sick, facing the some huge problems, and now I cry like a little child in the middle of the night for a lost ring? Take all the dvds, all my earings, my handphone, but please, not that ring. It's too precious. I don't know where I lost it, but the last time I wore it was 2 days ago. And maybe I took it off when I was jogging and hung it on my mp3's earphone and dropped it at Tmn Tgku Anis. I really can't recall. Please please please I want it back. I want my ring back. Please........I couldn't go to sleep anymore. I want it back!

;(

:((

If I couldn't find it, it will be forever. Because I wouldn't get the exact same ring anymore. It has been a part of me.

Things around me are really really getting too much. Why are all this happening to me at the same time?

UPDATED

FOUND. =)
date: 31 dec
time: around 2.15 p.m.
location: In the car.
theory: I took it off and left it in the car before jogging.

xoxo

Broken in the way

2009-12-28T23:58:00.002+08:00

I've been living in a complete mess for these few days. And today I'm sick. Good. I don't even know who I am already. Plus, I get really emotional when I don't feel well.

It's too painful when you are hurt but there's no tears. I don't even know why. I normally cry all the time but now I'm dealing with one of the biggest trouble and I can't cry? Something is definitely wrong with me.

I don't know how to react. Should I stay strong and endure? or rebel? or suffer? I don't know. And to my friends, I mean my bestfriends, I'm sorry. So sorry. I don't know what to say. I'm LOST. Sorry.

And this is totally moving.

Tied Together with a Smile

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty

Is the face in the mirror looking back at you

You walk around here thinking you're not pretty

But that's not true, cuz I know you

Hold on baby you're losing it

The water's high you're jumping in to it

And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone

Guess its true that love is all you wanted

Cuz you're giving it away like it's extra change

Hoping it will end up in his pocket

But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain

Oh cuz it's not his price to pay

It's not his price to pay

Hold on baby you're losing it

The water's high you're jumping in to it

And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone

oh oh oh oh

Hold on baby you're losing it

The water's high you're jumping in to it

And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone

xoxo

Tag from Miamira (=

2009-12-28T19:28:00.002+08:00

1. Adakah anda rasa anda hot? Siapakah anda?
* jauh sama sekali..sy hnya org2 biasa. Sy elli yg kontot =) elli yg suka buat bnde yg sy suke je.

2. Upload gambar kesayangan anda.

3. Cerita pasal gambar.

1* Dgn Kak Aireen, 2nd day Raya Aidilfitri 2009 yg rockkkk hhaha.
2* Gamba time busuk lps work out.
3* My loves. At Perdana Resort a few weeks before PKBS3 this year. Great times.
4* Omg it was the best moment. The 8th Interschool Debating Championship 2009.
5* Haha motif gambar; nk tunjuk payung.
6* It's not mine tp suke gileeer. Pendant yg paling lawa n unique. Jumpe je gmbar ni trus jatuh hati, wah. haha

4. Bila kali terakhir anda makan pizza?
* err before incident kt Kbmall kot. haha

5. Lagu terakhir yang anda dengar.
* This I Promise You, ronan keating

6. Apa yang anda buat selain menyelesaikan tag ini?
* Bersedih dan dengar lagu. That's all.

7. Selain nama sendiri, anda dipanggil nama apa??
* err pendek? but mostly semua nama sdr sbb nama sgtlah pnjg mcm2 bley pnggl.

8. Tag lagi 6 orang.
oopss rmai yg knal dah ditag.
* lola
* fadzlina
* faisal
* nabila
* epah
* sabreena

9. Siapa n0 1 bagi anda?
* oh tu jr debate sy heeeeee=)

10. Kata sesuatu bagi n0 5.
* epah update update la blog tu. haha

11. No 3 ade hubungan dengan siapa?
* dgn saya! haha xde ngn spe2 kot? pesa? what say u?

12. Bagaimana pula dengan n0 4?
* err sy xtau..hehe

13. Pesanan kepada 0rang n0 6?
* pesey ko kak anis bo sepak kucim. haha

14. Apa kelebihan yg anda nampak pada bl0gger n0 2?
* baik dan pandai dan xlupe kwn =)

xoxo

thanx mia ;)

Deplorable

2009-12-27T19:20:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to be said. I'm devastated. I'm broken and lost.

Infantile me

2009-12-25T19:41:00.003+08:00

Normally, this is the colour of vanilla ice-cream which happens to be the ice-cream that I dislike the most. Mama came back with plastic bags a.k.a. supek rokraks and headed to the kitchen. The exotic elli who never know the meaning of waiting hastened to the fridge and found...jeng3..two containers of ice-cream. One chocolate and another one happened to be oh-my-god-----vanilla =_=''

The next day, hehe the also exotic me completely finished the chocolate flavour, not so suprising because I ate from the container. Hehehe though one of the biggest rule for people on diet is not to eat out of the jar, container or bag.

So, whatever.

I definitely craved for more so nothing else to be done but to go for the unlikable vanilla flavour. To my surprise, it doesn't look like the picture up there. It's so so so snowy white. Hahaha. Like thissss..

And and and it's sooooo gooood..hahaha
For the first time in my life, vanilla comes right after chocolate in the chart. Only the WHITE vanilla.

Okay the sixteen-year-old girl should stop talking about ice-cream.

I'm starting to work out but food is still the greatest priority. Pff. Haha.
I found this, a start-doing-this list for people on diet.

Take 10,000 steps a day.
Eat breakfast without fail and never skip meals.
Avoid shopping on an empty stomach.
Keep a sense of humour.
Always leave something on your plate.
Eat with cutlery, not your fingers.
Surround yourself with BLUE; it's an APPETITE SUPPRESSANT.
Do not weigh yourself daily.

xoxo

Sidereal

2009-12-24T01:25:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I can't even know what I want. There's a wall in me. I can never really portray my real self that I sometimes don't speak for myself, I speak for my mind. I say rational things but don't even mean it. Haha. It's like in debate. I say what I need to. I think my friends and family have known this. When I have to say something, at the same moment my mind sends a message to the whole body to stop, twist it into another thing elli. Tarra I'll come out with a zilch with no importance or significance. This whole thing is suffocating. I don't feel real but it's not permanent. Whatever. I tend to ramble at this hour. Pff.

I found this, a knockout. I mean it. http://international.tiffany.com/

And hoyeah school's reopening and hehe...as usual..I haven't touched any of the Golden Holidays though I didn't stop telling myself that they have to be done. ;) hihi and so many things to be encountered next year, SPM, debate =) last year wooo..., this and that and this blablabla many more. And I'm currently worrying about debate. We are being psyched out by Abe Syawalll. haiyyo. It's our last year and hehe we are hoping to end it up with glory, God willing.

And and and just now was fun at Sim Garden. I went with full books in my hand but I ended up playing Farmville and all other games till the end. Sounds so elli. haha.

and

tym please be strong. We love you. and and and I want you to know that we are made of steel. We don't easily break okay? Ilytte!

xoxo

Self-interested?

2009-12-22T23:11:00.006+08:00

How could a person do that? It's way way way selfish. I couldn't bare all this anymore because it's getting more and more abnormal. And is money that important? Okay for argument's sake, it is but in case you don't know this, your obligation is more than that. I know it is hard for you but it's never easy for me too. You're never there for me. NEVER so far as I can remember. You are right in front of our eyes, but you're just you. You never want to share anything with us. I mature day by day but my thoughts are never taken to care. I can never speak. Because it has been all about you hasn't it? I hate to do this but what other options do I have? It is not only about you. It is supposed to be about us but it seems like you are the only who exist. You never care about me, what I want or what we think or even need, because all that counts is what you want. It is unfair. Unjust.

I wrote a longer chapter of this but I totally don't have the heart to post it. Because I'm still SOBER. unlike you. And one more, do you love my tears?

By the way, this memory always brings me tears. I was six. I was sick. I tried to tell. I even cried. No one cared. What was I left I do? I went to the cash box, took some money, walked to the nearest pharmacy and bought that cool sticky thing to put on my forehead.

But until now you keep on saying that I'm ALWAYS BEING PAMPERED? what's that?

xoxo

Xde ubat ke?

2009-12-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

Ni la elli, pukul 11.50 baru la start nak menulis la...baru nak makan la...dah la tu, start je pegang pen, ade la rase nak buat tu, nak buat ni, nak update blog la, ape la. =_='

Okeh2. Main point. Aku cuak. Aku cuak gile sbb esk ade tuition. ? Get my point? Tu la masalah aku dari kecik sampaaai la skarang. Asal sebut tuition je, memang aku cuak. Tapi since aku dah besar dah skrg, aku pandai la siket cover. Tapi still, cuak tak mampu nak cakap. Aku pun xtau la whats wrong dgn tuition. Dulu time kecik2 mase tuition kat Smart Readers tu, kalau mama nk hantar, mesti ade dalam sbulan tu aku nangis2 sbb xnak gi sampai terduduk duduk ats tangge tu. Tah pape. Haha. Pegi tadika xde plak masalah. Ok jekk..
So skrg ni, aku ulang lagi, aku cuak nk pgi tuition sir esok. Padahal tepi umah aku jek. Npe perlu cuak aku pun xtau. Norma elli liliana la tuh.

Problem baru, ape yg aku nk study, xde org nk ajar. Ape yg aku xnak blaja, rmai la plak ckgu yg nk aja. Masalah la...aku nak amik english literature spm ni. Memang la cikgu skolah ade yang nak ajar, tp kalau boleh aku nak la amik klas kat luar, tapi malangnya, xde pon org yang nak ajar. Ade cikgu tuition aku tu ckp nk aja, cancel la plak. BZ is the reason. Aku nak blaja guitar, ehehe tp xde jgk org nk aja. Ade tu ade tp aku xnak la klas rmai2. Xsuke. Aku nak sorang2 and hari2. Hehe. Malangnye jgk, xde org nk aja. Naseb badan. Ade yg ckp blaja sndiri je. Memangla. Tapi aku nak la start ngan cikgu dlu, then lpas sbulan ker..aku carry on la sndiri..

Ape ape pun, aku CUAK esk ade klas. haha.

xoxo

P-A-U-S-E-P-L-A-Y

2009-12-16T17:01:00.006+08:00

Realizing the fact that I've never officially introduced Pauseplay here, so here it goes...hehe

We consist of five people:

Elli (me) as the vocalist

Nu'aim as the lead guitarist

Ladi as the second guitarist

Knick as the bassist

Bob as the drummer

Let's start with how this band got started, yeahhhhhhh haha

At the beginning, our bassist Knick started out evething, thanks to him. Haha. I didn't even know Nu'aim, Ladi and Bob before but Knick brought us together. One night when I was in a tuition class, he out of the blue asked me whether I was interested in becoming the vocalist for this band called Pauseplay but anyway I hesitated because I'm not that good at singing for I was concentrating on drumming but somehow I agreed after some considerations.

Basically, it is an indie pop band. We've came out with our single, Sampai Bila which was written by Knick.

You can listen to it on our myspace, http://www.myspace.com/pauseplay69 hehe

New songs are about to come but we have to wait for Knick the orang kl to come back first to start things up. Haha.

Frankly I love this band but sometimes I feel like I'm ruining it for my voice isn't that good but sometimes I tell myself gasak jerrr..kan3? hehe All we can do is to provide some pieces of music to be enjoyed to colourize life and we're still meliorating ourselves and our music as well because Pauseplay is a new band compared to some other well-known ones. Supports are much needed people. THANK YOU you oollss!! haha

xoxo

50 untrue things men tell women

2009-12-14T19:18:00.005+08:00

Believe me this time, I promise you that I'll change

No, I'm not seeing anyone else

I haven't thought about her (old girlfriend) in years

How many times do I have to tell you I'm not having an affair?!?

Your career is as important as mine

You are always beautiful even if you have a dozen of children

I want us to remain close friends always

My wife and I have an understanding

You're wonderful; you deserve someone better than me

I will never ever lie to you

Let's be friends first

When you walked through that door, I knew it was the real thing

I'd like you even if you were a man

It's okay to be good looking, but looks just don't mean that much to me

The difference between us will bring us even closer

I spend everything I earn on you and the kids

I love you even if you love 10 other guys

You make me feel like a kid again

I'm going out with the boys (to the gym, to the office)

I'll move wherever you want

Of course I'm not bored with you

As soon as I finish this project (get a promotion, a raise, make partner), we'll......

You've got more sex appeal in your little toe than my wife's got in her whole body

It wouldn't be you and me anymore if I used one of those

Let's pool our assets - whatever is mine is yours

I still find you just as attractive as the day I met you

Divorce is the farthest thing from my mind

Sure, I'll watch the kids

It's not just the sex I want, it's being close to you.

We'll be spending a lot of time together when I retire

You're the only reason I've worked so hard

If I didn't have all this work, you know I'd go with you and the kids to your mom's

No one's ever turned me on like you do

My boss says there's nothing to worry about

I'll never tell

Relax, she's just a friend

This is just a temporary separation until we get things worked out

Your hair (dress, outfit) looks fantastic

I don't care at all about how you look, your personality is the most important thing

Of course I'm listening to what you're saying

Come on in and we'll just cuddle for a few minutes

No, I don't think you're fat

You're the woman I should have married

I'm going to be focusing on my work for a while now.

I guarantee you, I'm not the father

Your having kids has nothing to do with my not wanting to get married

I'm not ashamed of the way you talk (look, act, etc.)

It's nothing personal; I just don't like sharing my living space with someone

This time I'm really serious

Honestly, honey, it's just for the guys - none of the wives go to the conference

Oh, you called? I didn't realize it was you

*it caught my eyes so i thought i should probably post it here but dont take it seriously because sometimes there are exceptions for some things ;)

xoxo

Yes No Yes No Yes

2009-12-13T01:14:00.001+08:00

I've finally realised that I've wasted half of the holidays that I have. So, no more wasting is a must. I must go out everyday no matter what though it's just a short walk. I must ~~STUDY~~ everyday from tomorrow onwards. I must watch all the movies that I feel like watching. I must eat everything I want to. I must jog everyday to keep my promise to look ~~LESS FAT~~ next year. HAHA. I must start to think about SPM. I must have foresight. I must be the restrainer of my own emotions. I must must must must. and, one more, hehe I must finish those Golden Holidays.. =_='

xoxo

Sweetest

2009-12-11T11:21:00.013+08:00

The most gratifying creation. Kids =) living happily in a beautiful lovely world.

I just can't help myself but uploading these images. May all those sweet moments will be always cherished.

The portrayal of beautiful life, http://www.teaandjam.com/blog/

But around the us, there are children who do not have a good life that they deserve and need to be reached out by us.

It's something for us to ponder on people.

*updated for I feel it's not fair to depict their joy and ignore the suffering.
xoxo

Thousands of thoughts

2009-12-08T17:15:00.003+08:00

Getting okay.. heee..There's just so many things to be done since it's my last holidays before SPM but too bad that I'm stucked at home not to go out anywhere for my little brother has just had his circumcision. So I'm little by little getting insane. Not to tell that the heart is throbbing to get out and see the world. grr. At least, bring me to Popular to buy a novel to read! I have nothing at home.

Na! Please hurry back. And Uni! Come to KB pleaseee. Let's work out the plan but not the waterfall okay. haha.

I can't even plan the debate workshop that we have been discussing before since the debaters are scattered everywhere =_=;

And and and lately many bloggers have turned their blogs into private ones and I feel like doing so too but when I think twice, I think there's no need yet because it's not that I'm going to write something personal. Heheh.

Life is so boring and all I'm doing now is watching movies and pretending to be cool when the poignant parts come. Yes I'm pretending not to care about all those lovey-dovey things for now. =) And and and, I'm still pretending that all those things waste my time. Pathetic eh?

xoxo