Exam is so so so near and I am totally entirely extremely not prepared indeed I didn't do anything AT ALL. I just can't believe myself this time. I mean, its not something that I can take for granted. Its the final exam for crying out loud! SPM is roaring and chasing me. Oh. You wouldn't believe your eyes if you see in what kind of situation I'm in currently. Frankly, I wake up late, watch movies, activating myself on the net almost all the time, having fun, avoiding books and discussions for sure..blablabla and for shouting out loud is this how I should act when I'm facing a big examination in three or four days time? But something is being extraordinarily weird. This whole thing I'm in, I mean the mess, I'm loving it! Can't tell why but I'm totally happy with how I am. I don't force myself, no more..though I know I'm going to pay for this, but I start not to care and of course everyone says its not a good thing to be done and I'm lazy and I'm going to regret this. Errrr, though sometimes I do feel like maybee I'm going to be in a worse state by doing this and I might totally regret every single thing I'm doing but for the zillion time of but, I want to be like this. Free without pressure, enjoying life for the fact that its not going to be this blissful next year, and I just want to place myself where I belong to. If I can't be in Sina next year, I will passionately coax myself to fix in with the situation though I will be definitely seperated from my girlfriends but its for my own betterment because it seems like I need something slower. I just can't receive things fast like rockets shooting into my life.
Girlfriends, if you read this, I'm so sorry, I truely totally am. I love you guys so so much but I hope you can understand my situation. I don't want to be the best if its beyond my best. Though if I want to, I can't. But no doubt, all of you will remain as my besties. xoxo.
This is just a piece of my mind and probably many ppl will go against this. I want to live it how I want it to be, not how it's supposed to be. Old folks say, susah dulu senang kemudian. No doubt its true, but I'd like to make some changes. Perhaps making it a total blissful route and just follow where it leads me to without forcing the peaceful mind to follow the path which leads to the best destination because it doesn't promise happiness and contentment. Maybe I'll just go with the flow without regrets. InsyaAllah.
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